


Why Couldn't I?

by RoseTheCat



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Depression, Guilt, Love, Major character death - Freeform, Self-Harm, heartbroken
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 15:05:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6013242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseTheCat/pseuds/RoseTheCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm sorry Mikasa... Armin... Everyone I could have saved... WHY AM I NOT DEAD ALSO? GIVE ME AN ANSWER!!! Why wasn't I also taken? I'm not humanity's greatest hope...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Couldn't I?

Eren's POV

Mikasa... Why? Why couldn't I prevent you from getting crushed? Armin, why did you have to distract the titans for me? These thoughts kept racing through my mind, threatening me to spill tears. I could still remember their looks on their faces while they were about to die, Mikasa's being a surprised look then a scared look; which was rare for her. Armin's being a sad smile and he waved goodbye to me while he was forced down the dirty titan's throat. I couldn't understand why they died, them being humans, while myself a freak of nature, a monster that deserved to be punished. I walked to my closet and ruffled through my things, I found the thing I was looking for, my razor blade, I saw the crusted blood on it from previous times of using my 'friend' and remembered what happens every time, cut, slash, relief, self loathing, and anger because I couldn't stop my weak self from cutting. I cut reopened my cuts so many times that you could see faint scar lines on my arms. Most of them were from being called a monster and many other things and all the deaths I caused and damage. For instances Levi's OP squad, I couldn't save them, I felt so guilty that I believed that I should punish myself, and that what I from then on. I slowly put the blade to my arm and slashed violently from my wrist to my elbow. I started to sob violently and loudly, not caring if someone saw me like this.

Levi's POV

I started to think about what happened today. I heard that Ackerman and Arlet got killed, two of Eren's best friends in the last attack. I didn't know how he was holding up and went back to doing paperwork for Erwin. I suddenly heard violent sobbing coming from the dungeon. I quickly got up and ran down stairs. I suddenly saw one of the most horrendous things. Eren was in a pool of blood that was leaking from his arms and was sobbing quite violently. I said "Hey brat what happened?" He still kept violently sobbing, either he didn't hear me of chose not to. I didn't know what to do right then.I thought to myself, what could I do? I quickly thought of getting closer to him and find the source of the bleeding and to figure out why he wasn't healing. I ran to Eren and quickly checked over his body. I found the source of the blood at his wrist and saw two deep cuts. I ripped off a piece of my cravat and used both pieces to patch his wrist up. I yelled "WHY? EREN WHY?" He replied "B-b-b-ecause I'm -hiccup- a monster." and he started ccrying harder. I was never good at comforting people so I tried my best to stop him from crying. "Eren, you aren't a monster! Their deaths couldn't be helped! Atleast you can carry their legacy and use their strength to kill all the titans!!!" He gradually stopped crying and looked at me. He said "Heichou -hiccup- I could have saved them... Like the time with the female titan... I could have saved them, IF I WAS STRONGER!!! The time i almost killed Mikasa when I was trying to patch up the hole with the boulder... I tried hurting my own SISTER!!!I deserved the punishment Igave to myself... Why did you stop me?" I replied "Because you need to stay strong for them!!! You aren't any use if you're dead!!! But I'm not going to say you aren't a monster, everyone has a monster inside. Look at me, a ruthless killer that makes crappy shit jokes, if that isn't what scares you than what will? Think about it, Mikasa a strong person who could end your life in seconds, Annie a titan shifter just like you! They still has the strength to go on! You have the strength to go on too!!! So snap out of it and get your shit together!" I saw his eyes were covered by his bangs and he started contemplicating his life. He slowly said to me "Heichou are you sure?" and looked at me with a depressed broken look that slowly melted my heart. I replied "Yes I am brat, you can pull through." He suddenly tackled me in a hug and said "Thank you Heichou." and i replied "Your welcome brat" And he slowly went into the land of dreams and relaxed in my embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> First Fanfiction on Archive Of Our Own \\(^.^)/


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